


Decisions

by yeehaw7



Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, M/M, Suicide, blitzen is sad and depressed and lonely, hearth is uh.. dead, i'm so sorry idk what's going on with this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 20:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17946482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeehaw7/pseuds/yeehaw7
Summary: It's been two years since Hearth's death. Officially, it was labelled an accident, but unofficially, it was a suspected suicide.





	Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> i needed some angst and i'm sorry this isn't as good as it could be but i'm sick of looking at it and i just wanna publish it already. maybe i'll redo it sometime in the future? idk
> 
> i could not think of a title for this i spent ten minutes staring blankly into space and eventually i gave up and gave it the good ol' one word treatment

Blitzen sat on the edge of the cliff, jacket wrapped tightly around him. He’d been staring at the waves for hours, watching them smash and froth against the rocks below him. He wasn’t entirely sure how he got to where he was, the last few hours a blur of panic, hyperventilation and avoidance. 

 

It had been two years since Hearth’s death. Officially, it was an accident, an out of control car that hit Hearth on its way off the road, killing both him and the driver. Unofficially, however, the barely concealed scars, discarded notes and beaten attitude days before his death spoke otherwise. Why anybody hadn’t said anything at the time, Blitz wasn’t sure. Maybe they were too slow to connect the dots, maybe they were waiting for a “right time”. Whatever they were waiting for didn’t matter now. It was too late. 

 

It wasn’t until the funeral that it really sunk in that Hearth was gone. It was easy to pretend the person you loved most in the world wasn’t _really dead_ \- just away for a couple of days - until their casket was lying open, their cold, stiff body settled within. 

It had rained heavily the night before, making the ground and grave wet and muddy. Had Hearth been there, it may have been a different story - what with his magic and all - but he was there, in a coffin, lungs still and eyes unblinking. The workers were on strike, so goodbyes were reluctantly said to a muddied grave, the pine coffin making a stark contrast with the puddles of dark silty water. 

 

The Chase Space kids were inconsolable, a few refusing to go to the funeral, instead opting to cry it out at home. None of them knew about the added complication of the suspected suicide, but the loss of one of their mentors, no matter how, had hit them hard. Most of them had lost their biological family one way or another, making the loss harder to bear. For some, it was days before they could talk again, others were up and braving the pain through a tight smile. For Blitz, he had no choice but to be there for others, meaning the only real time he could grieve alone was the hours between dusk and dawn - when he wasn’t helping a kid get over their nightmares. As hard as it was for them, it was harder for Blitz, who barely made it through the first couple days, once stopping by the medicine cabinet and nearly ending it all, narrowly escaping being caught by Alex. At the time, a stab of guilt had gone through him as he thought about how the kids would’ve had to handle losing both of their caregivers in a week. 

 

Now, however, he felt no guilt. Although the kids would be distraught at first, they’d be okay - eventually. All they really needed was someone to look after them and considering they had a whole team of immortal warriors, it wouldn’t be hard to replace Blitzen. They’d be better protected, for sure. 

 

His legs dangled over the side, swinging in the free air. It would take only a little push to send him over the edge. There was so little between he and Hearth now. A short drop, a few seconds, a couple heartbeats. That would be it. 

 

Blitz longed to be by his side again. He knew it was cliché, but it was true. He missed the soft touches of their hands, the wake up call of a pillow to the face and the goodnights traced onto his back. He missed the feeling of a thigh pressed against his at every opportunity, a bag of runes digging into their hips hard enough to leave bruises. Their hands clasped together - and when that wasn’t possible, their arms intertwined - reassuring themselves that the other was right there. They’d done so much and would do so much more. Together. 

 

They could be together now, if he was lucky. He wasn’t _exactly_ sure how things worked after you died, particularly after suicide, but even if he didn’t see him again, at least he wouldn’t have to live in a place where everything reminded him of him. The ragged scarf sitting on the bedside table, the familiar leather jacket hanging on the back of the door. The bag of runes sitting in pride of place on the mantelpiece, no longer used. He wouldn’t have to face them. 

 

All he had to do was make the choice, take the jump - or not. It wasn’t a tough choice, theoretically, but when it came down to it, it was so much harder. Was Blitz really going to leave everyone else he still loved behind? Sure, he hated those familiar objects, but they were all he had. Was it worth it?

 

He took a deep breath and dragged his eyes from the sea to the stormy sky above. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. 

 

Then he jumped.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment whether you loved it, hated it etc. I'd love to hear from you!


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